Scotland

Time together

I've been sitting here this morning, still wrapped in the quiet of the week we've just had and I find myself not quite ready to let it go. We will be coming home later today, we broke the journey at a friends, but it’s been a holiday where we actually switched off and that makes you want to hold onto it a little longer before the ordinary rhythm of life pulls you back in.

Simon and I have just celebrated nineteen years of marriage. Nineteen years. I say that and it still catches me slightly off guard, not because it feels too long but because in so many ways it doesn't feel long enough. We spent the week in Scotland, walking, talking, breathing fresh air, eating good food, going to bed early, waking up slowly. Simple things, all of them. And yet, entirely restorative.

We walked miles. The kind of walking where you don't really have a destination in mind, you just go and somehow the conversation finds its way out of you. I think that's the magic of a walk, it loosens something. There's no eye contact, no pressure, just two people side by side moving through the world together and suddenly you're saying things you hadn't quite found the words for at home.

We talked about everything and nothing. About the children, about work, about the future, about old memories that surface when you're away from the noise. We laughed a lot. We sat in silence and it wasn't uncomfortable, it was companionable, the kind of silence you can only really share with someone you know deeply.

And it made me think, as I so often do on these trips, about marriage. About what it actually takes to make one work, not just survive, but genuinely thrive.

I think the honest answer is that it takes effort. Consistent, gentle, daily effort. Not grand gestures, although those are lovely but the small kindnesses. The cup of tea made just the way they like it. The text in the middle of the day just to check in. The asking, and actually listening to the answer. The noticing.

A successful marriage, in my experience, is built on kindness above everything else. Kindness when you're tired. Kindness when you're frustrated. Kindness when it would be far easier to snap and walk away. Alongside that, thoughtfulness, understanding and a kind of quiet nurturing of one another that never really stops, even after all these years.

And then there's communication. Which sounds so simple when you say it and yet it's the thing that so easily gets lost in the busyness of life. When did we last really talk? Not about logistics, not about who needs to be where and when but really talk, about how we're feeling, what we're worried about, what we're hoping for? That's what a week away together gives you back. The space to actually communicate.

Scotland has made me feel like myself rested, reconnected, grateful. Grateful for nineteen years with someone who still makes me laugh, who I still want to tell things to, who I still adore.

If you're in a position to carve out time for your person even just a night, even just a long weekend, do it. Don't wait for the perfect moment because the perfect moment rarely announces itself. Just go. Walk somewhere beautiful. Turn your phone off. Talk to each other. It's the greatest gift you can give your marriage.

Here's to nineteen years, Simon. And to all the years still ahead of us.

With love Charlie x