Around the Table
Why sitting down to eat together might be the most important thing we do all week
I've been thinking a lot lately about conversation. Proper conversation, the kind where you look someone in the eye, ask how they really are and actually listen to the answer. And I've come to the conclusion that the art of it is quietly slipping away from us and that the best place to get it back is exactly where it's always lived: around the table.
There is something about food that opens people up. I don't know quite what it is perhaps it's that your hands are busy and the pressure is off or perhaps it's simply that you're all facing each other for once. But conversations happen over a meal that just don't happen anywhere else. The catch-ups, the check-ins, the “how are you feeling, really?” moments. The things your children will tell you over a plate of food that they'd never volunteer if you asked them outright.
Phones off the table
I'll say this plainly: leave the phones away from the table. Not face-down beside the plate, not on silent in a pocket being glanced at but away. It's such a small rule but it changes everything. The moment a phone appears, half the table leaves the room without moving an inch. We owe each other better than that and honestly, we owe ourselves better than that too.
A meal without phones is a meal where people actually talk. Where someone tells a story properly, from beginning to end. Where you notice that one of your children is a bit quiet, or that your husband has had a rotten day, or that there's something brewing that needs talking through. You simply cannot notice those things while you're scrolling.
Once a day if you can and if you can't, that's alright
In an ideal world, I think every family and every couple would sit down together once a day. Breakfast, lunch, supper, it doesn't matter which. Just one meal where everyone stops, sits, eats and talks, catches up on what’s been going on.
But I'm also a realist. Life is busy and people are pulled in different directions, school runs, work, the horses, clubs, all of it. If once a day isn't possible, then make it a couple of times a week and make those times sacred. Better still, give it a name and a shape: a Sunday roast that everyone knows is happening, every week, no excuses. Or in the summer, a barbecue in the garden with everyone gathered round. Make it a non-negotiable event something the whole family plans around rather than squeezes in.
And in between, take the conversation where you can find it. Some of the best chats I've ever had with my children have happened in the car or out walking the dog, side by side, no eye contact required, which I'm convinced is precisely why the big stuff comes out. Those moments count too. But there's still nothing quite like a table.
Why it matters so much
As a parent, I feel it's one of the most important things I do, simply spending time talking to my children, properly communicating with them. Not the logistics of who needs picking up when but real conversation. About feelings. About what's going on in their world. About the things that are worrying them and the things that are making them laugh.
And it matters just as much as a couple. After all these years, Simon and I still need that time to sit down together over food and actually talk, not about the diary, but about each other. It's how you stay connected. It's how you stay married, frankly. Communication is key.
Time is so precious. Food shared and enjoyed, conversation flowing, phones nowhere in sight, it costs nothing and yet I genuinely believe it's one of the most valuable things we can give the people we love.
This week, try this
Pick one meal. Just one. Tell everyone it's happening, put the phones in another room, cook something simple, it really doesn't need to be fancy and sit down together. Ask one proper question of everyone at the table and listen to the answer. That's it. That's the whole thing.
I'd love to know how you get on. Do you have a non-negotiable family meal? A Sunday roast that nobody is allowed to miss? Tell me in the comments, you know I love hearing from you.
With love
Charlie x
Please tell me that pink and green extravaganza is your table! We've put a table in our garden, and it has been life changing. We sit outside for a cuppa, I take my computer out there to do a bit of work, and it is always ready for a shared meal if the weather permits. Creating space to inhabit in a meaningful way is a liberating act!
We recently put a table in our kitchen. Might sound normal but we have a very small kitchen and I didn't think it was possible to fit one, but I found a high one with stools that tuck away underneath. A game changer - I so wish we had had it back during our long Covid evenings standing in the kitchen when we refused to move to the lounge knowing the TV would come on and we would drift into our own worlds.
Being able to sit in the kitchen together even if just for a cup of coffee in the morning is amazing, we do chat more, instead of just moving past each other as we try an negotiate our routines.
My husband has since replicated the size and height of the table to make one for our back garden - we had previously a small garden table, but this one he has made is so much more convivial because we can sit at it to eat or relax but also it is a nice height that if we have friends around it is a good table for leaning against and resting our drinks on at a standing height.